The Number One Hacker in the world

a science fiction a story by Kush U

I have always wanted to be number one. In everything I do and anything I chose to be. When nature, biology, God and fate conspired to deny me that space I simply switched. When I found I could not play cricket too well and kicking a soccer ball accurately was beyond me, I became the number one soccer defender in my school. When I wanted to be an engineer, and when I wanted to do my MBA. When I wanted to be a loving honest husband and when I wanted to be a douchebag, I was always number one.

Some people recover from addictions of alcohol, drugs, sex and internet gaming. I am recovering from an addiction to hacking. What have I hacked? A shorter question would have been what have I not hacked? When I was denied a scholarship to Phd school to anthropology, I downloaded the database of the American Society of Anthropologists and subscribed them to pronographic newsletters. There were a lot of angry anthrpologists apologists that year.

When the NSA broke the fourth amendment and searched every email of every human on this earth, I created a method to disguise meta data, by sending the same text as fragments of pictures. Multiply this by hundreds of millions, and the NSA can no longer rely on automated machines to read it, yes it must manually see what is signal and noise. Why did I do it? I had to be number one. Unfortunately terrorists adopted it and not just liberal activists. Now I am trying to champion a method called crowd sourced intelligence. Basically turn every phone in the world as an instrrument to collect intelligence and create algorithms to filter the signal from the noise much more efficiently. More number one stuff to undo the bad number one stuff.

Why did I become a hacker? Because society took away my son and gave it to my ex wife and my ex wife left me because she could not understand what was driving my demons. Now at the age of 40, I have learnt that I am suffering from bipolar disorder. What was the need to be number 1? Well it was just a thing I had when I was high on mania. Christains talk of manna from heaven, I got my mania from heaven too. In my defiant despair, I hacked everything I could see. How do music stars get a billion ways? I created a simple peace of code that helps them with intorducing randomized plays as well as change their IP addresses randomly without any analytics software catching. Random numbers were my favourite topic in statistics class. Basically a script that goes to a particualr video, waits a random number of seconds, then changes IP addresses automatically using an Onion virtual network and then plays it again. You are welcome Justin Bieber.

My number one hack? When I convinced the NY Times to run a story on my favourite friend turned enemy software company. It is amazing how you can turn media and journalists by a few anonymous emails timed strtegically. Or by creating a Wikipedia article that was quoted in a lawsuit against the same company helping make a clone of its software more readily available.

So why give it all up by a mea culpa? Because I am tired of being number one. It is lonely up here.

Author: Ajay Ohri

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